Time and Relative Dimensions in Sunnydale
by gothygeek
Summary: A BuffyDoctor Who crossover. The tenth Doctor materialises in Sunnydale just in time to catch the end of Once More With Feeling aka the musical episode and causes chaos, as per usual.
1. Once More With Materialisation

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so please don't sue me:)**

_VICTORY CHEER_

"Spike," a blonde girl called as she followed a man outside.

"You should go back inside, Buffy," Spike replied. "Finish the big group sing, get your kumbayayas out."

"But I don't want to."

"The day you suss out what you do want there'll be a parade. Seventy-six trombones."

"Spike…"

"It's alright, you don't have to say anything."

"_I touch the fire and it freezes me_," Buffy sang incongruously.

"_I died so many years ago_," Spike continued.

"_This isn't real_."

"_But you can make me feel_."

"_But I just want to feel_."

A chorus (in which both of their voices could be distinctly heard) took over as their lips met.

"_Where do we go from here_?"

A loud, mechanical wheezing sound interrupted them, but they ignored the blue police box that appeared nearby. A man in a long brown coat walked out, locking the door behind him.

The man started humming, then stopped as he saw the couple kissing. They broke apart at the sound of what they assumed was human company, and stared at the strangely attired man. "Oh, sorry, um, didn't mean to interrupt or anything… uh…and I will just be going." He started to edge away.

"Wait," called Buffy. "That police box wasn't there before."

The man from the police box stopped and came back.

"Oh, you noticed that," said the man, running his hands through his hair. "Well, I'm the Doctor."

"I'm Buffy, and this is Spike." The Doctor shook hands with Buffy and Spike, though even as they did so Spike kept his left arm around Buffy.

"So, you're a warlock? Or a demon?" Spike asked.

"Uh, neither…can you tell me where I am? At first glance it looked like early twenty-first century America, but that question doesn't exactly fit the profile," the Doctor said warily. "Neither does the singing."

As he spoke, the singing that could be heard coming from inside the building behind them started to grow louder, as if the singers were approaching. As a redhead stepped out from a building Spike and Buffy hurriedly stepped apart. The Doctor raised an eyebrow as the girl who had just emerged stopped singing and stared. Another two women with blonde and mousy-brown hair (respectively) followed, along with a dark-haired teenage girl and two men, one a lot older than the other.

"Uh, Willow, what are you staring at?" the younger man asked the redhead, who had started to hyperventilate.

"Buffy…and Spike…" Willow managed. Spike smiled and raised his chin, while Buffy hid her head in her hands. "He had his arm…ugh…around…her…"

"Ok, Willow, that's really not funny," said the younger man, as the older man took off his glasses and hurriedly started cleaning them. "Buffy? Please tell me that she's joking?" Her only reply was a groan. "Oh my gosh." He looked down.

"So… you and Buffy are going out or something?" the Doctor asked, trying to make sense of why everyone seemed so upset.

"Hey!" the woman with blonde hair said. "Xander is engaged to _me_. And who are you, anyway?"

"Anja, let's not get off the topic," Xander said hurriedly. "Buffy? I bet you were about to punch Spike, weren't you? Weren't you?"

"Um…" Buffy said. Spike laughed.

"Oh, I'm sure she was. Weren't you, love?" he said.

"Did you just call Buffy 'love??'" the older man said.

"Take it easy Giles," Spike replied, still laughing, as he turned and started to leave. The Doctor backed away from the main group and followed.

"So, what's the big deal about you getting together with Buffy?" he asked Spike.

"To begin with, I'm a vammm…um…what's it to you?"

"I was only wondering."

"Hey, you never answered that question about what you were…" Spike punched the Doctor lightly on the shoulder and winced, holding his head. "Not demon, then. Warlock?"

"No, I'm just a normal…well… I'm a scientist."

"A scientist? What do you know about the brain, and operating on it?"

"That's a strange topic."

"I'm a strange vam – um, person."

"What are you – you keep on nearly saying that you're something beginning with vam, but never get any further than that. And why are we entering a graveyar- Wait a second. You're a vam…"

Suddenly a vampire jumped out from behind a nearby tombstone. Spike stepped forward, and after a brief fight, pinned him down, picking up a fallen branch nearby and driving it into the vampire's heart. The vampire dissolved into dust, and Spike stood up, wiping his hands on his jacket.

"Yeah, you're right, I'm a vampire," he said. "I live in a crypt not far from here."

"But if that was a vampire, then why aren't you all pointy teeth and wrinkly forehead? What am I even saying…how can vampires exist? They _don't_ exist! They _can't_ exist! Then what just tried to attack us…?"

"Vampire's exist. Get over it."

"And you aren't trying to bite me because…"

"There's a chip in my brain that means I can't hurt humans."

The Doctor stopped in his tracks. Spike looked back at him.

"Then how can't you hurt me? Oh gosh… please tell me I'm not human. I need a stethoscope…"

"You're not human?"

"Gallifreyan."

"_What-if-they-an_?"

"I'm a Time Lord, I'm from Gallifrey… it's a planet. Don't worry, you shouldn't have heard of it. Anyway, I'm not human."

"You reckon you're an alien. Oh, like that Queller thing Ben let loose… right. Then how come you look like a human?"

"How come you do?"

"Your species can mask itself the way vampires do?"

"Vampires can mask themselves?"

Spike rolled his eyes, changing into vampire form and back. The Doctor raised his eyebrows.

"Your species wouldn't have been called krillitane at one point, would it?" the Doctor asked. "It's just, they did something a bit like that too…"

Spike just stared.

-----------

"Buffy, please…what just happened?" the teenager was asking.

"Dawn, I…"

"HE IS A VAMPIRE, BUFFY!!!" Dawn screamed at her sister.

"I know, I know… it…it was the spell…"

"I think that the spell was lifted when the demon guy disappeared, Buffy. Or were you too busy staring into dear Spikey-wikey's eyes to notice?" Xander pointed out cruelly.

"Don't call him that," Buffy said.

"And I'm not sure that the spell _was_ lifted, Xander," Tara said quietly.

"Don't interrupt while I'm having a go at Buffy," Xander said, glaring at his new victim. "Spike had his arm _around her waist_. That's serious! And we don't know what they were doing before that… they could have been singing, or even worse - hugging!"

"Tara is right about the spell not being lifted, though," Giles said. "Remember singing 'where do we go from here'? I know _I_ was under that demon's influence for that." There were hurried nods of agreement all around.

"So we might start singing again at any point?" Xander cried, standing up. "Oh my gosh, I need some ear-muffs!"

"_I've got a theory,_" Anja sang. "_In absence of demon, his spell automatically, leaves and that's been proven."_

The group waited tensely for a moment, before breathing a sigh of relief when no one else took up the song.

"Sorry," Anja apologised. "I just meant to say that even if he didn't lift the spell, once a demon leaves a reality, like I'd say this one has, the spell automatically lifts after a while. Except for vengeance demon spells, because…we're special."

"Does that only work for demon spells?" Willow asked, interested.

"Willow! How many times? No. More. Magick!" Tara said loudly. Willow looked at her questioningly, but Tara just looked away. There was a pause in the conversation as the group recovered from Tara's outburst.

"I think I'll just close up the shop," Giles eventually said. Everyone got up to leave. "Buffy? I think you should patrol."

"Yeah. Slay a few vampires – that's just what I need to do," Buffy said, grabbing a couple of stakes and storming out.

-----------

"So, in wherever we are, demons, witches, warlocks, vampires…they all exist?" the Doctor asked. He was sitting opposite Spike in the top level of the crypt. The latter was having a few glasses from a suspiciously square bottle.

"Where are you from, that they don't?"

"I don't know where here is, so I can't exactly say where I'm from. Especially not in terms that you'd understand."

"You saying I'm stupid?"

"Well, there is a slightly Mickey-like air about you…" The Doctor was interrupted as the door was smashed in by a foot. Buffy walked in. The Doctor raised his eyebrows, but Spike treated the dramatic entrance as the norm and walked over to greet her. She punched him on the nose. He treated this as normal also. Buffy looked up and saw the Doctor.

"Would you mind leaving?" she asked, giving him her address. He left quickly with his hands above his head, and his eyebrows doing their best to join them. Buffy turned back to Spike, who was just watching her with his head on an angle, and punched him again.

-----------

Willow answered the door, and let the Doctor in silently. He followed her to the living room, where everyone except for Dawn and Giles were sitting on couches.

"I'm sure that there's some feasible explanation we just haven't thought of yet," Xander was saying. He saw the Doctor had walked in. "And who are you anyway? Hey, are you a warlock? Did you cast a spell over Buffy to make her let Spike touch her like that?"

"Why does everyone keep on asking me if I'm a warlock, or a demon, or something?" the Doctor said, getting annoyed.

"Well, you haven't killed any of us yet and we haven't invited you in as far as I know, so you can't be a vampire, can you?" Anja said.

"Why does no one just think, 'hey, maybe that guy's just a normal person?'"

"Are you a normal person?" Tara asked.

"Well, no, but still…"

"What are you then?" Anja said. "I'm no Giles, but I did use to live in one of the demon universes – I know a bit about them, and I'm the expert on vengeance demons."

"How did you get into one of these universes? How many are there?" The Doctor was interested now.

"Well, I was just a normal witch," Anja started, loving to talk about herself. "But then there was this one guy I went out with, and he two-timed me really badly, so I turned him into a troll."

"That one came back to haunt us," Willow muttered. The Doctor and Anja shushed her, and Anja continued.

"Anyway, this demon summoned me and turned me into a vengeance demon. So I did that for about a thousand years, then _someone's_ ex -"

"Hey! Not my fault!" Xander said, offended, when she glared at him.

"- got me to create a universe where Buffy never came to Sunnydale. Then that Giles found out that that world wasn't the original world, and broke my amulet, which turned me into a mortal."

"Well, there's a scientific explanation for all that," the Doctor said.

"What is it?" Tara asked, frowning.

"I don't know, I haven't found it yet."

"_Spike, just leave me alone_!" came Buffy's voice from outside, accompanied by a loud thunk.

"At long last – if Buffy's beating Spike up again, everything's back to normal!" Xander said, grinning.

"_We have to talk, Buffy. We kissed_!" Spike shouted as the front door slammed shut in his face. Xander's face fell.

"Whoa. _Kissed_?" he asked as Buffy walked in. She threw her hands up and stormed out. The Doctor followed her, glaring back at Xander.

"Buffy, explain what is happening," he said, catching her on the way up the stairs.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Trust me, it will help. So. Who is Spike? Everything that you know."

"He's a vampire. I think he was changed in… 1800 and thirty-something? Yes, by Drusilla, who is this total nutcase with the sight. So he was in a gang with Drusilla, Angel, and another woman, that's right, Darla, Angel's sire, for ages."

"An angel? The sight? Sire?"

"I think the gang split up after Spike killed a slayer."

"Slayer?"

"It's like a super-strong woman who is given the power and responsibility to kill vampires. The chosen one. I'm the slayer for this generation."

"You're super-strong? The 'chosen one'?"

"Spike killed a slayer, and I think that's when he and Drusilla broke off from the rest of the gang, and Spike came and killed another slayer, this time in New York. That's where he got that coat of his."

"He killed a slayer and bought a coat?"

"Knocking off slayers became a bit of a hobby for him, so I think he came and found me. Or maybe…A curse, or possibly a mob in Prague weakened Drusilla a bit before they came here or something, so probably came to the Hellmouth so she could recuperate. He found a cure here, so maybe he knew the book was here and came after it."

"Prague? Hellmouth?"

"Ask Giles – the older guy who's down there. He's my watcher – that's kind of like the slayer's teacher. I'm chosen to be strong, he's chosen to be researchy."

"Researchy?!"

"Whatever. Anyway, Spike left and came back a few times, until this military organisation shoved a chip in his head so that he can't hurt people."

"A chip? _The military?_"

They came to a door where Buffy stopped. "Look, I'm kind of tired…"

"I'm gone," he said, running away from her with his hands above his head for the second time that night.

-----------

Buffy closed her eyes as she walked into her room. She opened them again quickly when Spike, who had been waiting for her, kissed her. She pushed him off and punched him twice, quickly, before he leant in for another kiss. This time she forgot to fight him off, and the couple turned around as Spike shut the door.

-----------

The Doctor was listening in amusement to Xander and Dawn running through more and more creative and desperate ways that Buffy might not have kissed Spike. Giles had managed to tell the Doctor the state of affairs with minimal repetition on his listener's part.

"Maybe he actually said missed!" said Xander. He was excited about this one.

"What?" Dawn replied, less so.

"Maybe," Xander started to explain. "He and another demon tried to kill Buffy, with a crossbow or a gun or something, and at the last minute Spike jumped in and pushed her out of the way."

"Hence the arm around her!" Dawn continued. "And so Buffy was really angry at him for trying to kill her, and so he was saying 'we missed,' because he thought outlining the fact that they _didn't_ kill her would make things better!"

"And Buffy didn't explain because it was such a long story and she didn't think we'd believe her!" Willow finished triumphantly.

"Uh, you do know…" the Doctor said hesitantly. He decided to keep his peace when the glares were turned on him. "I mean, what was that noise?"

A thump had resounded just outside. Giles went to the window and pulled aside the curtains, looking out to see what had happened.

"Nothing there," he said, returning to his place by the mantelpiece.

He had missed the blonde hair and black leather coat flapping in the wind as the owners ran in the direction of the graveyard.

** I know this is incomplete, but don't hold your breath waiting for the next chapter. Unless you're a vampire, in which case it won't really matter. **


	2. Who's Wrecked

**A/N: Wow, that's a lot quicker than most of my updates will probably be. My thanks to Libby Cat, who came up with the idea of The Incident in the Magick Box Store Room. Thanks.**

**Disclaimer: Do I do this for every chapter, or not? Please, inform me. If I do, I don't own Doctor Who or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I don't, you didn't see anything…**

_TABULA TARDIS_

Buffy slipped in through the back door the next morning, limping slightly. She was about halfway across the kitchen when the Doctor walked in. She leaned against the kitchen bench and tried (and failed abysmally) to look innocent.

"Oh, er, hi, Doctor," she said. "Um, you, er, slept here?"

"Well, I stayed here, anyway. Can I have one of your bananas?"

"Go ahead."

" Thanks. I like bananas. Bananas are good." He ate in silence for a bit as she got out some cereal for herself. She was about to go into the dining room when the Doctor spoke.

"Speaking of staying overnight, where were you last night? With Spike?"

"Morning, Buffy," Dawn said cheerily as she walked in. "You're up early. Still, you weren't out slaying all night, so I guess you got some sleep." Buffy thanked the lord her sister wasn't facing her and couldn't see her blush. "So, were you asking Buffy something, Doctor?"

Buffy's cheeks, which already resembled tomatoes, reddened further still. The Doctor watched as if she was and experiment of his that had taken an unexpected twist for the funnier.

"He…er…" Buffy started. "He…was…um…"

"I was asking if it was alright to stay for a couple of nights, as I don't actually have anywhere to sleep," the Doctor filled in for her.

"Yes!" Buffy latched on. "And I was saying that he could stay here, though he might find it more interesting to stay at Giles'. Oh no, that's right, he's still in a hotel."

"Ok. Incidentally," the Doctor asked with his mouth full. "Why?"

"I don't know. You want info; he's got it. Besides, you're English so there won't be a culture gap."

"Great. Oh, and I'm not English." He threw out the banana skin and moved towards the door.

"What are you then?" Dawn asked.

"Gallifreyan!" he called as he walked away.

-----------

"Gallifreyan?" Giles asked, perplexed. "But you have a northern accent." He, Buffy and the Doctor were sitting at the table. The Doctor smiled inexplicably. Dawn, Willow and Tara walked in.

"Hey, Buffy," Willow said.

"Hey, Will," Buffy replied as the new comers stood around.

"So," said Dawn. "Any new demons to distract us while Buffy deals with the temporary insanity that goes under the name 'Spike'?" Buffy sighed angrily.

"Just drop it, will you?" she said, standing up. "Yes, I am insane. Let's all laugh at insane Buffy because for ten seconds she wasn't paying enough attention to ward Spike off."

"Buffy…" Xander started, but stopped when she turned on him. The Doctor whistled innocently and tried to find somewhere to look. He caught Tara's eye and she smiled sadly. Meanwhile, Xander was retrying his luck. "All we're saying is that we hope you realise that Spike wasn't such a great idea."

"'Great idea'? Don't start on me, Xander, because we all know that your 'great ideas' include a praying mantis and I'm really going to regret saying all this later when I think about it, so see you later. With regret."

She stalked towards the door, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like "Inca mummy girl, ditz Cordelia…" When a group of customers walked in and started to smile in an apologetic, 'hi, I'm just looking for a mummy hand' way, she wheeled around and went into the storeroom.

The day wore on, and it was just about dark when a customer asked Dawn if they had any mandrake roots. Dawn checked with Anja, who was on the phone.

"Yes, Dawn, of course we have mandrake roots, it's just downstairs…What do you mean you'll sue me for every penny I've got? We don't use pennies! Besides, that was not a case of false advertising…"

Dawn sighed and smiled at the customer. She didn't hear them apologise for the inconvenience, or the little tinkle of the bell as the last customer left.

A scream emerged from downstairs.

"Dawny?" Tara called anxiously, as she, Willow and Xander moved towards the door. Anja finally hung up and joined them.

"Is the storeroom ok?" she called, an edge of panic in her voice.

Dawn surprised them all by running through the shop, hyperventilating and screaming at the top of her voice.

A rather dishevelled Buffy followed the path of her sister, also screaming, only this time slightly coherently.

"Dawn!"

They were even more surprised when Spike, whom they hadn't even known was down there, ran through after the Summers', pinching his bloody nose. **(A/N: That wasn't swearing, it was just the aftermath of Spike being hit by Buffy.)**

"Buffy!" he yelled.

"Spike?" everybody asked.

The Doctor had gone out to buy everyone some coffee, a few minutes before. He barely managed to keep the drinks un-spilt when Dawn ran past nearly hitting him. When Buffy dashed out, he just about coped because she mostly dodged him, and what she didn't do he made up for. He had trouble making sense of what she was saying, however.

"Dawn, it's not what it looked like! Well, it is, but…Dawn!"

The Doctor, shaking his head, side-stepped Spike, who was grinning wildly and swearing.

When the entire group rushed head-on into him on the reasonably narrow footpath, he decided it was fate. He turned and watched the Scoobies run, Xander brandishing a stake.

"Everybody?" he asked.


	3. Caught BronzeHanded

**Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Doctor Who or a million dollars, as much as I wish it were not so.**

_Caught Bronze Handed_

"So…" the Doctor asked Dawn, who was staring out the window waiting for Buffy's return. The Slayer was, allegedly, out slaying. "How do you guys kill time around here? Hang on, given that this is the Hellmouth, and, hey, Time Lord, I don't particularly want time killed, let me rephrase that… What do you do when you're bored? Apart from the obvious slaying, and killing demons, and -"

Dawn was uninterested.

"There's always the Bronze, I guess," she said distractedly. She gave him directions. "What is Buffy _doing_?" She turned to the Doctor, but he was gone. She sighed and returned to the window as he shut the door behind him.

She yelped as the door reopened.

"So it was… right first, right?" the Doctor asked. She nodded and the door shut again.

And opened.

"You know, for some reason it doesn't seem like a great idea to leave your door unlocked," he told her. She rolled her eyes. "Just saying – you are kind of on a Hellmouth."

"Vampires can't come in without an invitation. Did Buffy miss that on the vamp crash course?"

"Yes, but then there are demons, your bog-standard burglars…"

"Demons generally lie low, or draw a _lot_ of attention to themselves. They don't sneak into your house at night and kill the unwary non-Slayers. Especially this house."

"And the garden-variety burglars?"

"I guess that they wander around town in the back alleys after dark, alone."

"How does that prevent… oh. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly – vampires."

"Yuh-huh."

"Anyway, I'm off."

"If you see Buffy, tell her we're waiting."

"Will do," came the cheery call. "If she's not slaying and protecting the general populace including, say, me, in which case I'll probably run screaming. I think that's a non-Slayer's best bet with vampires."

----------

The Doctor looked up at the band with an 'interested…but let's just not go there' look on his face. He winced at a particularly loud and out of tune chord, and looked around as he started towards the staircase.

He noticed a familiar black leather coat and peroxide blonde hair and opened his mouth to say hello. Then he realised what Spike was doing, and quickly shut it, shaking his head.

The couple came up for breath, and Buffy noticed the Doctor over Spike's shoulder.

"Oh, god," she said, pushing Spike off her hurriedly and tucking her hair behind her ears. "Um, hi, Doctor." She glared at Spike.

"Good evening," he said. "I'll just be…" He smiled sheepishly and moved off. Buffy grabbed him by the elbow.

"Tell anyone and I will kill you." He was surprised how scary a threat coming from a mouth smeared all over with lipstick could sound.

"Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you."

"Good idea." He walked away briskly and Spike pulled Buffy towards him.

"Oh, and by the way," the Doctor said. Spike leant his head back exasperatedly. "Dawn said to say that they're waiting for you." Buffy cursed.

"I'm going to the bathroom. If you breathe a _word_ of this to a living soul… Scratch that. If you breathe a word of this to anyone, soulless, soulful, living, undead, whatever, I will drive a silver letter opener through your heart. And you can ask Giles, if you don't think that would hurt."

"You're going to need two."

"What?"

"Letter openers. You're going to need two of them. Or you could just reuse the first one, and I'm really not getting the point of this, am I?"

Buffy simply glared at him, and stormed off.

Spike copied her actions, except that he just stormed out instead of storming into the women's bathroom. A few people standing by stared at both of them, and then the Doctor, who rubbed his hands together.

"So," he said cheerfully. "Anyone else's life I can ruin?"

-----------

A little while later Buffy was making her way home, when she heard a voice behind her.

"Buffy," Spike called. She stopped.

"Spike, get lost." She kept walking, and found the Doctor waiting at her house.

"It would appear that Dawn took my advice and locked the door," he explained. "That would be before she went into a deep sleep that cannot be awakened by the mere doorbell."

"Buffy," Spike called again, taking her arm. She spun and punched him a few times. He caught each punch and kissed her. She gave in. The Doctor searched for somewhere to look. His gaze settled on a gothic, dark haired woman walking down the street. She stopped dead in her tracks (quite literally, although he didn't know this at that point). He smiled at her, but she only had eyes for the couple.

"Spike!" she yelled, throwing herself towards them with a vampire face on. All three went down in a floundering mass of bodies.

"Oh dear," said Buffy as they all got up. "Now Drusilla, please, I really need to get inside." Drusilla walked up to Spike and scratched him, her nails digging five deep channels across his cheek.

"Dru…" Spike said, putting a hand to the blood dripping down his cheek. "Now really isn't the time."

"The time is for mortals, it burns them like fire, like you burn me," said Drusilla cryptically. "You used to like me. Bad Spike." She scratched him again. The Doctor looked confused. "Why don't you like me any more?" She pulled back for another scratch, but Buffy caught her hand.

"What do you think, Drusilla?" said Buffy. "All of your exs seem to come after me. Why do you think that is?"

"You broke our happy home, and now you're breaking my poor Spike. You took my Angel, and then my Spike…I don't like you."

"It's mutual."

Spike, who had watched this debate silently so far, finally spoke up.

"You people are fighting over me while I'm right here? Hang on… you people are fighting over me, period?"

"Grrruf, bad dog," said Drusilla, and went to strike Spike again, but realised Buffy was still holding her back. She growled. As Drusilla struggled to get out of Buffy's grip, Spike retrieved a stake from his pocket. What kind of vampire doesn't keep a stake in his pocket?

"No, Spike, don't!" Buffy cried. "I'm enjoying this conversation far too much." Drusilla went for Buffy's neck, choosing to ignore her still trapped hand. Buffy didn't have time to react before Drusilla's teeth were at her skin. They barely pierced it before Buffy threw herself backwards, pulling Drusilla down with her. Spike and the Doctor could only watch as the two women grappled.

"Don't blame me," Spike called to Buffy.

"Would somebody mind telling me what's going on!?!" was the Doctor's contribution.

"Spike! Stake!" she cried, not having the breath or thought space for anything more. She finally got to a kneeling position on Drusilla's chest, pinning her down. Raising the stake Spike had just handed her Buffy took one last look at her enemy and rival. Drusilla's hands scrabbled in the dirt surrounding her, and she threw a handful of it into Buffy's eyes. The latter then fell backward hitting her head on something hard as Drusilla ran.

-----------

"So you're saying that you dumped Drusilla several times, but always took her back," the Doctor was saying as Buffy came round.

"He's lying. She dumped him each time," Buffy said, her words slurring slightly.

"Delirious," she heard Spike say, slightly grumpily.

Slowly reality swam in to view and she noticed the conspicuous absence of Drusilla.

"What happened to your gothic vampire ex? Hey, isn't it funny that all goths look like vampires, but not all vampires look like goths?"

"You're cheery. I should knock you out more often," Spike said, putting an arm around her as she clutched her head. She leaned on him.

"Why is it that I think that you'd be the one with the concussion if you tried that?" she asked, rubbing her head and grimacing. Spike took advantage of the slayer's weakened state. The Doctor, who had seemingly been forgotten, cleared his throat and had a handful of keys thrown at him. He walked up to the house and was about to insert the key when it opened.

"Hi, sorry, I would have got the door sooner but…" Dawn stared over the Doctor's shoulder.

He blocked his ears.

**A/N: Mwahahahaha! I almost feel sorry for Buffy and Spike's rewritten relationship. Almost. I'm thinking about bringing in daleks or something equally Doctor Who-ian in the next chapter, but will not write more until I have some opinions on that in reviews. There you go, motivation to hit the lilac button. As if you needed it. Incidentally, I think I was a little bit hyper while writing this, and it's come out in the Doctor mostly, making him a bit Four-ish. Sorry.**


	4. Dalek Slayage

A/N: Sorry that this took so long to upload… I've just moved from Melbourne to Belfast, so I've been really busy. For a long time. Anyway, I've finally uploaded…

Disclaimer: Doctor Who, Torchwood and Buffy the Vampire Slayer all belong to me! Mwahahahaha! Just kidding. They don't, sadly, or I'd be doing a Russell T Davies to the latter.

"_BUFFY!!! Get the # away from my sister, Spike!!!_" Dawn screamed as she marched past the Doctor and tore the vampire away from Buffy. She then pushed Spike away (rather ineffectually), pulled her sister into the house and slammed the door.

The Doctor blinked.

Spike sighed and sat next to the Doctor on the doorstep as the screaming continued inside.

"They're never going to let her be with whoever she wants to be with, are they?" Spike asked. It was more of a statement than anything else.

"Nope," the Doctor replied, running a hand through his hair and leaning forward. The sound of Dawn yelling at her sister died down after a few minutes. Then there was a scream. Both of the non-humans leapt up and listened carefully.

"Buffy?" Spike called protectively. The sound of metal on metal came from inside, and Spike started ringing the door bell desperately. Then they heard a voice.

"_Exterminate_."

The Doctor swore and ran his hand through his hair. He did that a lot.

"What are they doing here?" he muttered. "Can't they leave this dumb little planet alone?"

"Friends of yours?" Spike asked, frowning at the door as he backed away from it.

"Hardly. Can you break that door down?"

"Buffy'd kill me…"

"That's different from usual…how?"

Spike grinned and rammed the door down.

Inside, Dawn was hiding behind the sofa. Buffy was standing on top of a pair of rubber gloves, on top of the dalek, covering the eye with her left hand and beating the gun with the cushion in her right.

"Exterminate!"

"You are a stupid, annoying, little machine and I am going to kill you!"

"Good anger management," Spike mentioned casually as they watched

"Mm. Now might be the time to tell her about the door," the Doctor said as he moved towards the dalek bearing his sonic screwdriver. The dalek froze. Buffy hit it a few more times.

"Calculating vocal waves… non-human identified…" it said.

"Oops," the Doctor said, fiddling with the screwdriver.

"DOCTOR IDENTIFIED!"

"Knew you'd recognise me in the end…" He dropped to sonic screwdriver and bent over to get it just as the dalek fired over his head and hit Spike.

"SPIKE!" Buffy screamed. "Alright, you've had it! You can attack me, you can send little x-ray-y bolts after me, but no-one messes with my boyfriend!"

"Boyfriend?! When did this happen?" Dawn asked as Buffy started mutilating the dalek's outer shell. "What happened to 'it was a mistake, I was weak after killing Drusilla'?"

"Dawn… really… not… the time." Buffy replied through gritted teeth in between denting blows. The Doctor had finally retrieved his sonic screwdriver, and directed it at the point where the eye-stalk met the rest of the dalek. There was a screeching of metal on metal, then the stalk and gun drooped as the dalek fell silent.

"Doctor, what was that thing?" Buffy asked as she leapt off the dalek. She kicked it and ran to Spike. "Spike… oh, come on, wake up…you're not dusty, come on…" The Doctor helped Dawn up, then put a hand on Buffy's shoulder.

"Buffy, I'm not sure he's going to -" he began, but ended swiftly when Spike rolled over and started coughing and retching. Buffy went to touch him, but the Doctor stopped her and directed his sonic screwdriver at the vampire. He was surprised when Buffy knocked him aside.

"What did you do that for?" he said loudly and indignantly. "It's got several non-dalek-killing settings too, you know. Such as the one that tests for dalekanium radiation…" Buffy rolled her eyes and helped him up. The Doctor re-aimed his screwdriver, which bleeped three times. He swore and ran his hand through his hair. Spike kept coughing.

"And to the earthlings that means…?" Dawn asked. "Is he dying?"

"You sounded far too excited about that," Buffy said, squinting aggressively at her sister. Dawn rolled her eyes, tossed her hair in full Dawn-ish fashion and went up the stairs. "Is he dying?"

"No… but he's not in a good state and I'm not entirely sure how to get him out of it. That's one of the types of radiation that I can't absorb… you kind of need to be dead…" Over the sound of Spike on the floor, they heard an American voice outside.

"According to Tosh, this is where the last ray came from. I have to agree, mostly 'cause Tosh is always right but partly 'cause there's no door."

"Cometh the hour…" the Doctor muttered, grinning. Buffy looked at him questioningly.

"Ok, Ianto stay on watch outside, keep any police away. Gwen, Owen, Tosh, you're with me."

A man in a long army coat appeared with a gun appeared. He pointed his gun at the Doctor, then dropped it.

"Careful where you point that thing," the Doctor said, walking towards Captain Jack. Two women and a man followed through the door. "Some of us have to regenerate, you know."

"Doctor. Should have known I'd find you here," Jack said as they shook hands. He started to walk towards Buffy. "And hello…"

"I'm Buffy," said the slayer.

"Captain Jack Harkness," he replied, flashing a dazzling smile. Buffy smiled back.

"_Behave!_" the Doctor said pointedly.

"Can't I say hello to anyone?"

"No. Incidentally, it's lucky you're here. You see this… _don't touch him!_" The Doctor directed the last part of this at the man that had entered with Jack, who had started to crouch down next to Spike.

"Owen, don't touch him until we know what's wrong with him," Jack said authoritatively Owen shrugged and returned to the others. "What _is_ wrong with him?"

"The dalek shot him."

"Why didn't he… Rose?"

"No, it's completely different. It's complicated… the point is that he needs the radiation taken out of him. And whoever does that, will die." He raised his eyebrows pointedly.

"I think I just heard something out the front of the house… Tosh, maybe you should check on Ianto," one of the girls said in a heavy welsh accent.

"Yeah, I think you're right, Gwen," Jack said. "Tosh?" The other girl went through the front door. "Owen, you go out the back and see if there are any others." Owen left through the back.

"They don't know?" the Doctor asked with raised eyebrows. Jack touched Spike's ear, and promptly collapsed. Gwen ran to him, then watched as Buffy went to the rapidly recovering Spike.

"What the -" Spike said as he sat up, rubbing his head. He looked around. "What happened?"

"The dalek shot you," Jack said as he sat up.

"Dal -? Oh, that thing."

Jack bounced up to his feet just as Tosh entered the room.

"It wasn't anything… Oh look, victim 17's recovering."

"It's always 17… and yeah, I'm fine." He got to his feet, and almost fell over again. Buffy guided him to a sofa.

"Fascinating," Tosh said quietly. "I've got to run tests on him…"

"Tosh," Jack said reprovingly as Owen entered the room. "He's not a piece of alien technology, he's a person. I think."

"Vampire, actually," Spike said from the sofa.

The Torchwooders stared.

"Like I said," the Doctor said. "It's complicated."

"Who are you, anyway?" Gwen asked. "I know Jack called you Doctor, but I can't really see him needing one…"

"Oh my god," Tosh said. "You're the Doctor."

"Yes, I am."

"Torchwood exists because of you."

"Yes, it does."

"And you know Jack."

"Yes, I do."

"Can I see your TARDIS?"

"No, you can't."

"Ok," Buffy said. "I have two main questions. The first is: what is Torchwood? The second is: who broke down my door?"


	5. Long Story

**Sorry, this is really really short, but hopefully I'll get another one up soon. I think my evening's free…**

**Disclaimer: yeah, yeah, I don't own Doctor Who, Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You know the drill.**

Gwen was talking to the Doctor outside.

"Jack's talked, sometimes, about the right kind of Doctor. I thought he meant… I don't know. I didn't think he meant someone… human."

"Yeah, well, you're stretching human. Humanoid, sure, that's me. Human… less so. Jack didn't happen to have a spare hand kicking about, did he?"

"How did you -?"

"I just know."

"OK, now you sound scarily like Snyder." Buffy had joined them.

"Apocalypse Now?"

"Principal of Sunnydale High. Similar qualities, apart from the fact that one was swallowed by a giant snake."

"There's a giant snake in Apocalypse Now?" Gwen was confused.

"There used to be one in Sunnydale. The old mayor some strange goals for the city. Didn't quite work out for him."

"What happened?" the Doctor asked.

"Long story," Buffy said, as Tosh emerged supporting Spike. They were accompanied by Willow.

"He exploded," Willow said as Tosh settled Spike on the steps outside the door.

"Clearly not that long."

"This is quite amazing. I've never come across anything like it," Tosh said, looking down. Spike raised an eyebrow. "I mean, vampires. Real vampires. I must cross-reference some of the more ancient myths when I get back to base… so does sunlight have any detrimental effects on your health?"

"Tosh, I've been meaning to ask you," the Doctor cut in before Spike could make a suitably sarcastic remark. "When you said that Spike was victim 17… who were the other victims?"

"We've taken care of it – various fabricated accidents, obscured evidence in some cases, absolutely nothing to connect them. Jonathan Harker, 29, and his fiancée Mina Murray, 25. He was a solicitor, she was unemployed. Dr. John Seward, 32 -"

A device started bleeping in her pocket, and she took it out.

"JACK!" He arrived, coat swinging behind him. Tosh and Gwen were already halfway to the back door. "We've got another one. Do you know this address?" She started to read it aloud off the screen, but Buffy took over from memory partway through.

"Someone you know?" the Doctor asked as Buffy tore inside. Willow was following her.

"It's Giles," she called over her shoulder as she broke into a run.

A/N: I hate cliff-hangers, but maybe it will force me to upload sooner. I'm on half-term break so everything should slow down for a bit… In theory, anyway.

**Please please review. I'm probably doing something wrong, and I can't fix it if you don't tell me what it is… Even if you think it's good, still tell me because I like positive feedback!**


	6. Two Questions

A/N: I'm so so so so so so so so sorry that this took so long to get up. School has been hijacking all my attempts at pretending to have any sort of life, so apologies.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood, Doctor Who, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If anyone sees the rights to them on ebay, though…**

Tosh was peering out of the window of the Torchwood SUV.

"It's rude to stare," Jack said reprovingly.

"Yes, but… look."

"What?" Gwen asked, and looked over Tosh's shoulder. "Oh."

"Wow," Owen said, staring similarly.

"I could've sworn she was human," Tosh breathed. Buffy looked over from the pavement, where she was running at the same speed as the SUV, and made a _what are you looking at?_ gesture.

"She is," the Doctor said exasperatedly. "Now can we keep focussed? Daleks are serious. They've tried to invade this planet countless times before, so they know it well. Guns don't kill them. Well, not instantly, anyway."

"We know," Owen interrupted.

"Tosh is working on it," Jack said, steering sharply. The Doctor apologised to Gwen, who he'd just rammed in to.

"I'm not entirely sure but it should…" They screeched to a sudden halt. The Doctor grimaced, then turned back to Tosh. "…work." The team rushed out of the car to join Buffy at the door, where she was hesitating. She took a deep breath and kicked the door in.

"Therefore, you cannot exterminate me because according to my beliefs you do not exist, therefore in my world you do not exist, therefore our worlds are different and cannot cross. So, if you don't exist to me, and I don't exist to you, your ray will not be effective. So by attempting and failing to shoot, you would be proclaiming yourself as something other than the superior race," Giles said very quickly, before taking a large breath.

"Your logic does not match our dalek logic," the dalek said slowly. The sound of gears that really shouldn't have been grinding together but had decided to attempt the feat emerged from the dalek.

"Mine is more advanced," Giles said, grinning.

"Tosh, now!" Jack shouted. Tosh pressed a button on the device in her hand. The lights went out.

"Was that supposed to happen?" Owen asked.

"Who the hell are you?" Giles asked.

"We're Torchwood," Jack replied.

"It's alright, they're safe," Buffy called. "I think."

"I have two questions," Giles said grumpily. "The first is: what is Torchwood? The second is: who broke down my door?"

-----------

"So, how do you defeat a dalek?" Giles asked, placing cups of tea next to the candles on the table. Tosh's face lit up (which was more than the lights were doing) as she opened her mouth. "Bearing in mind that I used to refer to computers as 'the idiot box.' "

"Uh… OK, there's an electromagnetic wave on a certain frequency that takes out all electric and magnetic machines within a certain distance. It's set to it's maximum range, which is five metres at the minute, but I'm trying to extend the range and specify the frequency to daleks and cybermen. It's difficult because it's impossible to simulate a dalek's -"

"OK, moving on," Jack said, seeing the uncomprehending look on Giles' face. "The question is, how on earth did you manage to confuse a dalek into not shooting you?"

"You try having him as a Watcher," Buffy said. They started to walk out of the house.

"Watching what?" Jack said innocently.

"Jack," the Doctor said reprovingly. Jack smiled winningly. A car pulled up, and Spike, Tara, Willow, Anya and Xander leapt out.

"Giles! You're alive!" Xander said excitedly. Willow ran up to hug him.

"Well, give it up for the shopkeeper who really ought to give the shop to me," Anya said. "He's got character." Xander glared at her. She looked as if he had just given her Tosh's lecture on electromagnetic dalek slayage. Confused.

"So does that mean we're done here?" Gwen asked Jack. "Incinerate the dalek, or index-file it or whatever -"

"I know I'd pick the first one," Ianto muttered.

" – and then get back to the hub?" Gwen finished.

"Doubt it," the Doctor said, sniffing.

"Probably," Jack said, looking pointedly at the Doctor. The Doctor raised his hands and eyebrows. The teams started to get back into their cars, the Doctor and Spike getting left to walk.

"So…" the Doctor began. "Seen any pig slaves recently? You know, given the whole daleks running rampant thing, thought I probably ought to…"

He trailed off on account of the look Spike was giving him.

"I'll take that as a no."

The silence was an awkward one.

"I can't believe that Buffy can run as fast as an SUV," the Doctor tried again. Spike smiled warmly.

"I know. She's amazing."

The silence was a less awkward one.

"I meant to ask…" the Doctor said. "Do you sleep in a coffin?"

"What, Stoker and Rice style? No. Crypt, yes, but coffin? No. Too uncomfortable. Plus you can't buy double coffins."

"Moving on…" the Doctor said rapidly.

"I had to sleep in a bath once. Not fun."

"I dread to ask."

"Don't. Let's just say that the Initiative have a lot to answer for."

They'd reached Buffy's house. All the lights were on, the door was still on the ground and loud voices could be heard.

"All systems turn to chaos," the Doctor said.

"Especially this one," Spike said, running into the house. The Doctor ran his hand through his hair and followed.

The Torchwood team was standing in the living room, watching bemusedly as the Giles, Anya and Tara paced and spoke.

"Why does this always happen?" Anya started. "I mean, every single time…"

"I'm so sorry, I should have stayed behind, what use would I have been with a dalek anyway…" was Tara's response.

"It's no one's fault, Tara," Giles said soothingly.

"What's happened?" Spike asked.

"How far could she have got to anyway?" Anya asked.

"Pretty far, given that she's probably in the company of evil aliens," Willow said as she entered the room.

"It must be Tuesday," Buffy commented drearily, following. "Again."

"Dawn's gone," Jack explained.

"Oh," was the Doctor's response.

"Typical," was Spike's.

"It could be daleks," the Doctor said. He looked at Tosh. "You picked up anything?"

"Not a blip."

"Are you sure she hasn't just run off?" Jack asked.

"In Sunnydale? Dawn's not that stupid." Xander said.

"Except for those times that she just ran off," Anya replied, looking at her nails.

"What does that thing pick up, anyway?" the Doctor asked, still looking at Tosh. "You were saying that you weren't entirely sure what the frequency was to kill them – how can you detect them?"

"Well, like I said, I'm working on isolating the frequency, but in the mean time… This uses Mondas technology to pick up combinations of noises, syllables, for example. I've augmented it so it also contains a GPS system."

"That thing tells you every time someone says 'exterminate.'"

"Only if they have vocal patterns almost exactly matching the prototype. I use a recording of Steven Hawking – he sounds fairly dalek-like."

"So, let's think," Xander said, continuing his conversation with the pacing Buffy. "When the bad guys take a hostage, where do they go?"

"Their lair, wherever that is," Tara said.

"Reset it to 'you are a prisoner of the daleks, do not move,'" the Doctor said. "Or just 'do not move, do not move, do not move, do not…' they're into repetition." Tosh started pressing buttons.

"I'd go into another dimension," Anya said cheerily. "That way, you guys couldn't follow and slay me."

"OK, thinking positively…" Xander said. "Last time, it was the Bronze, so it could be there again."

"The Bronze?!" the Doctor asked bemusedly.

Tosh's machine bleeped madly.

"The Bronze!" she said. She explained. "Someone in the Bronze said 'you are a prisoner of the daleks, do not move.'"

The Doctor turned to Spike.

"Isn't the Bronze that club where I saw you and Buffy…" Everyone turned to stare. Spike stepped on the Doctor's foot. "…Uh, fighting?"

"A club. So either Steven Hawking is getting down, or we've found your sister," Owen said to Buffy, who was glaring at the Doctor. The Torchwood team moved out, closely followed by the Scoobies.

A/N: Not entirely sure where this is going, but it'll get there eventually, I'm sure. Apologies again for the wait. Please review, if only to tell me to get a move on with the next chapter...


	7. Doctor Domesticated

**A/N: This chapter is very short, I'm afraid. Hopefully I'll be able to get another one up shortly.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Big shock there.**

The Doctor and the Torchwood team peered in turns around the corner at the Doctor's TARDIS, where it stood surrounded by daleks. The Scoobies were still en route.

"I still say we break the door down," Jack grumbled to the Doctor, despite the long argument they had just had about why they couldn't do just that. Ianto, Gwen, Tosh and the Doctor's logic had eventually won out over Jack and Owen's machismo.

"How long until your wave producer resets itself?" the Doctor asked Tosh. A car pulled up behind them and the Scoobies began to disembark, grumbling about how Xander's car and Anya's navigation left a lot to be desired.

"Well, the electromagnetic pulse took out the producer itself, so all of the settings have to…" Jack coughed pointedly. Tosh sighed. "Five minutes," Tosh said. The Doctor directed his sonic screwdriver at it. "Er, make that zero minutes. We're still about ten metres outside the range, though."

"And no Jack, you can't just have a go at running those ten metres," Gwen said decisively as Jack opened his mouth to speak.

"Spoil my fun," Jack said.

"But not mine," Buffy put in as she snatched Tosh's device and ran around the corner, pushing Spike ahead of her as a shield. Five seconds later the blue lights in the front of the Torchwood SUV went out.

"Now why didn't I think of that?" Jack said. He gestured at his team to stay put as he went around the corner. By the time they followed, Jack had already de-daleked Spike.

The Doctor immediately ran to the TARDIS.

"Come on, old girl," he muttered, unlocking the door. He sighed a breath of relief when it opened and light poured out. He started to call out to Tosh as he turned and leant on the doorframe.

"Looks like your pulse isn't so destructive after all, To-" She ducked under his arm and ran into the TARDIS. "Hey!"

"It really is bigger on the inside!" she exclaimed. The Doctor started to try to herd her out, then saw that everyone else was on their way in. He spread his hands and looked imploringly at Jack, who was laughing and refusing to remove his team.

"How is this possible?" Giles asked.

"It's an alternative universe!" Anya said.

"It's magic!" was Willow's response.

"Look on the plus side, Doctor," Jack said. "At least they're not making it domestic."

"Give it time," the Doctor muttered.

"Hey Will, if this is magic, do you reckon you could do this to my car?" Xander asked, then was met by Tara's glare. He hurriedly changed the subject. "Buffy, when the Doctor said he saw you and Spike 'fighting' at the Bronze, he did mean fighting, didn't he?"

"Ummm…" came the reply.

"See?" the Doctor said to Jack. "Domestic!"


	8. The Best Laid Plans

**Disclaimer: I don't own the TARDIS, the Torchwood Hub, Sunnydale, or the shows that centre around the above. And yes, I am bored of these disclaimers.**

_THE BEST LAID PLANS OF MICE AND MEN, ALONG WITH WOMEN, A TIME LORD AND A VAMPIRE_

As the entire team sat in the control room drinking tea and coffee (Giles and Ianto had forced the Doctor to find a kettle, despite the latter's complaints of "domestic!"), they discussed what to do about Dawn.

"I still say we break the door down," Jack was saying. Again.

"That would be suicide," Giles was explaining. Again. Given that it was about the fiftieth time that he had said it, he was starting to lose patience. He went to get another cup of tea, finding the Doctor sitting dejectedly next to the teapot.

"Something wrong?" Giles asked.

"I was almost enjoying this," the Doctor said miserably. "Then along you lot come in here and make it all domestic." He shook his head. "Sometimes I'd rather have daleks invade my TARDIS than humans."

"Speaking of humanity… What is a Gallifreyan?"

"A Time Lord."

"Modest," Giles said, raising his eyebrows. The Doctor looked offended.

"That's what we're called! Honestly! Besides, I'm not the one claiming to have been appointed by an all powerful council to be researchy!"

Giles looked into his tea.

"Yes well… In all fairness, I was sacked by said 'omnipotent council'…"

"Oh. Sorry."

Giles smiled ruefully.

"I didn't find it nearly so offensive as the fact that they called me 'too American'."

"Harsh!" The Doctor tried to hide his smile.

"I thought so. Do you think I'm American?"

The Doctor could tell that quite a lot rested on his answer, and glanced around for inspiration.

"Well… to be honest I have enough trouble figuring out which planet someone comes from to pay much attention to countries. That said, you seem fairly sane so I'd go with not American."

"Um, thank you. I think. By the way, how have I never noticed a police box next to the Bronze before?"

"The TARDIS travels. Like a spaceship. Except that it travels by dematerialising somewhere and materialising somewhere else."

"I see. Did you find that simply going from one place to another was too dull?"

"And impractical, given that I travel from one end of the universe to the other."

"It still seems rather ostentatious to me," Giles said as he sipped his tea. Jack had just come over for more coffee, and nodded appreciatively.

"Totally. And he refuses to fix the chameleon circuit, so that this thing looks out of place almost anywhere. Unlike, say, a simple wristband…"

"Spacehopper," the Doctor said through a cough.

"Show off," Jack said, similarly masking his words. Giles rolled his eyes.

"So," Xander said loudly, drawing all attention to him. "Let's make a list. Our first problem is getting in."

"But didn't you just say that this thing could de-fabric-ise somewhere and reappear somewhere else?" Giles said to the Doctor.

"De-_material-_ise," the Doctor and Tosh corrected him. They grinned at each other. "And yes," the Doctor continued. "It can, and I should be able to get into the Bronze – it's a very specific location, but I have been getting better at these short hops."

"First problem solved! Go team!" Xander said. Spike looked at him sidelong.

"Could you sound any more like the manager of a building site?" he pointed out.

"Second problem," Xander continued. "Spike. Can't we slay him already?" Buffy started towards him, and Xander backed up a few steps, speaking as he went. "Alright, alright, third problem – the Bronze is bigger than a circle with a five metre radius."

Jack turned to Tosh. "All the producer needs is more power - could we link the wave producer up to the TARDIS to increase the range?"

"NO!" the Doctor shouted. Tosh looked nervously at him before explaining.

"The producer is too unspecified – it already takes out itself, it would definitely take out the TARDIS."

"Which, by the way, would take…" The Doctor looked up, calculating the complex sum off the top of his head. "Five hundred and twenty-three years, two hundred and six days, three hours, forty-two minutes and seven seconds to reset itself."

They stared at him in stunned silence. He coughed self-consciously. "Well, approximately. Give or take a few seconds. Point is, I'm not hanging around on this planet for that long."

"You said that the wave producer took out all "electric and magnetic devices", didn't you?" Giles asked Tosh.

"You listened to what I was talking about?" she asked, surprised. "And yes, that's right."

"Then what if we used magic to increase the power?" This time Giles' question was directed to Willow, who looked excited.

"Yes," Buffy said. "Because Willow isn't an electric or magnetic device, unless someone's been talking to Warren again…" She glared at Spike. The Doctor raised an eyebrow, then decided he didn't want to know.

"I know a spell that can increase the power of a machine," Willow put in. "I use it on my laptop all the time."

"You what?" Tara was outraged. "Surely there's some other way…" she continued helplessly.

"I'm not sure about magic either…" Tosh put in.

"Same here," said Jack. "Doctor? Is this something that the sonic screwdriver and some jiggery-pokery might fix?"

"Come on people," said Willow, exasperated. "This isn't some witch hunt in the dark ages, I might actually be able to help here. In fact, I _know_ I can help. If you just let me."

"Just because it's new to you, doesn't mean it won't work," Buffy said sternly.

"Alright," Xander said, once again trying to get the situation in hand. "So we go in using the tardy thing -"

"TARDIS!" Again, the Doctor and Tosh spoke in unison.

"Whatever. Then we used the magicked up wavy thing to take out the daleks, then we get Dawn and get lost. That it?"

"Apart from the fact that whoever uses the wave producer must be outside the TARDIS," began the Doctor. "Otherwise the outer shell of the TARDIS won't protect it, and the TARDIS will have to reset itself -"

"Which takes far longer than your attention span for one planet, etc, etc," Jack interrupted, sounding bored. "We get the point. Personally I vote for Count Clash here."

"Firstly," Spike started. "The Clash made terrible music. The Sex Pistols, now they were a band. Secondly, the name's Spike. Or William the Bloody, if you're that fussed. Thirdly… I agree."

"We're ready to move out then," Buffy said, standing up. The Doctor went to the console, then looked around.

"I'd finish your tea and coffee first, if I were you," he said as the central column shuddered to life. "Oh, and… hang on to something."

**A/N: Wow, a fast update. I'm amazed at myself. In relation to saying that Willow isn't an electric or magnetic device – please don't be pedantic enough totalk to me about neurones and electrical impulses. Please.**

**That said, reviews not mentioning electricity in the human body would be extremely welcome…**


	9. Abnormal Again

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, Torchwood or Buffy.**

Dawn fidgeted, staring around at the daleks surrounding her.

"You are a prisoner of the daleks," one said. Dawn tried (unsuccessfully) to resist the urge to roll her eyes and toss her hair as the dalek repeated its earlier tirade. "Do not move. Do not move. Do not move. Do not move. Do not move…"

Eventually Dawn could take it no longer.

"Do not move. Do not -"

"When my sister gets here, she's going to kill you," Dawn interrupted.

"Silence, human," was the dalek's response. It whirred around so that it was facing another dalek. "What is it talking about?"

"My sister is the slayer," Dawn said proudly. "And when she gets here, she's going to -"

"There is no requirement for repetition," said the dalek that had spoken before.

"Hypocrite," Dawn muttered.

"Its sister appears to be the current companion of the Doctor," the second dalek explained. "Dalek 456's final report noted unusual strength for a human female, but its lack of suitable technology renders it a mere level four point two threat."

"Hang on," Dawn said. "'The current companion of the Doctor'? I mean, he's better than Spike – he hasn't killed anyone yet and he's better-looking – but is my sister going through some kind of non-human-with-an-English-accent phase or something."

"Silence human," repeated the first dalek. "Your words are of no use to us. Your role is that of hostage, speaking is not required. Your presence is the only necessity, permitting us to control the Doctor through his companion."

"Why am I always the hostage?" Dawn complained.

"You are easy to capture," the second dalek said.

"Thanks," Dawn said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

Suddenly a wheezing, groaning machine noise filled the Bronze. The daleks started whirring off in different directions, eventually ending up in their original positions. Dawn almost laughed at how 'it's the boss/teacher, quick, look busy' it all was. Then she saw who was getting out of the blue box that had appeared in the middle of the room and all sense of hilarity left her.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" she complained at Spike as he shut the TARDIS door behind him.

"You are not the Doctor," one of the daleks said, sounding as annoyed as is possible for an emotionless machine.

"You noticed," Spike said, pressing a button on Tosh's device. "Come on, Willow," he muttered.

"Return into the TARDIS and send out the Doctor," another dalek ordered. "Or his companion's sister will die."

"Oi! She's _my_ 'companion'!" Spike shouted. A second later the lights went out. Dawn uttered a Dawn Scream that left Spike wincing in the darkness.

"Hey, vampires have eardrums too. Besides, lights out means all the bad guys are dead, and I saw that you weren't tied up, so you can start making your way over here. Ow, I think you just busted my eardrum."

"Oh, did that hurt?"

"Uh, yes. Obviously."

"Good." She screamed again. Louder.

The door of the TARDIS opened, all of the Scoobies and Torchwood teams piling out, bearing torches. The Scoobies rushed over to Dawn, while the Torchwood-ers and the Doctor stayed to help Spike stand up after his auditory ordeal.

"So…" Xander said. "It worked?"

"It had better have done," Willow said. "I chanted my butt off for that spell."

There was an extremely awkward silence. Eventually the Doctor broke it by clearing his throat.

"It's clearly taken out all of the daleks in here, but there may have been guards or scouts that weren't within range," he said.

"Um…" Tosh said. Everyone turned to look at her. "There's no electricity registering throughout the whole of Sunnydale."

There was another silence.

"Oops," Willow eventually said quietly.

"And the satellite directly above us is having to revert to an emergency power supply."

"Oops," Willow repeated.

"They'll be fine running off emergency power for ten days, which is plenty of time for the main supply to reset. And… Oh!"

"What have I done now?" Willow moaned. The Doctor, who had run over to Tosh to read over her shoulder, grinned.

"You just de-masked the daleks' spaceship!" he said. "Great, that gives me something to put them all into."

"What are you going to do with them then, Doctor?" Gwen asked. "Blow them up?"

"Not the Doctor I know," Jack said, laughing. "But face it Doctor, this isn't some half-innocent species that can't stop itself. The daleks need to be destroyed. All of them."

The Doctor looked at him, his face serious. He shook his head.

"You could just leave it to us," Jack said, looking at his nails. "They're within Torchwood jurisdiction, we could -"

"No."

"Do they have souls?" Anya asked. "Because if not, then they're a bit like vampires, and we kill them all the time…" She broke off when she saw Spike glaring furiously at her. She shrugged. "What?" Spike rolled his eyes and shook his head.

All eyes turned at the sound of someone clearing their throat.

"I think I have an idea."

**A/N: I probably shouldn't admit to this, but I actually have no idea what to do with the daleks. Hopefully I'll be able to come up with something, but if anyone has any ideas PLEASE feel free to share them via the reviews. Please…**


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